"I did enough coke to kill a small country!"

He quit Evanescence at the height of their fame. Now he's writing songs for pop stars. It must have been the drugs, confesses Ben Moody...

So what really happened when you walked out on Evanescence?
On October 22nd of 2003, right after we got offstage, I realised what the friction of Amy and i was doing to the people around us. I knew in my heart that we were not going to make it through another record. I didn't want the band to die, so the only thing i could do to save it was get on a plane. It was hard to walk away from something i created, but it was either that or the whole thing would just go to shit.

What happened between you and Amy?
We weren't even friends at that point. I love Amy to death and I feel that one day our friendship will rekindle, but at that point we'd been in each other's faces every day for eight years and that was causing everyone around us to suffer. It's hard to keep a friendship and a bussiness going. It made me sick to my stomach. I was becoming an asshole!

It's been reported that you also had a drug problem...
I was medicating myself constantly. I couldn't wake up and talk to anybody without having two or three Screwdrivers (Cocktails) in me. I was doing a lot of drugs. It became a daily routine after a while. All of a sudden you're just doing enough drugs to be normal. I did enough coke to kill a small country!

You seem happy to talk openly about it now...
I'm trying to use what podium I have left to try and break the stigma. I was diagnosed as bipolar (Manic Depressive) a long time ago and that's where the drugs and alcohol came in. I was trying to medicate myself and take that pain away.

Was there a point where you realised that you had to do something before you ended up dead?
There was a time earlier this year where I got in deep with drugs that I never thought I'd touch. I was just lying on the floor and a friend (reported to be Avril Lavigne) sent me a text message and it saved my life. She said 'I want you to know that I love you and you're worth having around'. The next day I got help. I saw death and ran.

How did it feel to watch Evanescence go on to sell 12 million records?
I was glad because it meant that what i did worked! The band lives on and they'd better not fuck it up because they're gonna have to answer to me. It's my baby they're carrying, you know?

Have you made a vast amount of cash from Evanescence?
I don't have to live in my truck anymore, so that's good. But at the same time I put way too much fucking money up my nose!

Now you're writing songs for Avril Lavigne and Kelly Clarkson. Are you mad?
I love music and I love a challenge. Kelly and Avril have been so much fun for me. People are going 'What the fuck is this shit?', but what the fuck do i care what people think? I'm so much happier now.

What are your plans for the next year?
I want to finish my solo album, go on tour and see the world again. I want to remember it this time! (laughs) I want to do it healthy. I want to live the dream it's meant to be lived.

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